When Is a Porn Book Not a Porn Book?

When it's a ploddingly-paced "memoir" of a hot rock chick-cum-adult actress mostly written by a celeb journalist-for-hire, that's when. Plenty of explicit photos in the book, however...

By Roxana Hadadi

In Tera Patrick's Sinner Takes All: A Memoir of Love and Porn (Gotham Books) she often reiterates how she, the sinner, "takes all." But what that "all" is, exactly, is never really described - and as a result, it ends up being her book's most crippling flaw.

If you ever wasted hours of your life by watching VH1's "SuperGroup," or hey, maybe you've seen Patrick directly in the dozens of pornographic films in which she's starred, then you're fully aware of her lifestyle. After spending her teenage years as a model abroad, Patrick (real name: Linda Ann Hopkins, of Great Falls Montana) returned home to the U.S., bored with the fashion world and ready to venture into something new. Soon, nude modeling turned into softcore porn, which then turned into hardcore - and over the years, Patrick expanded into other media, hosting shows, dancing internationally and eventually starting her own production company. But unless you want to read an embellished version of her resume, don't bother picking up "Sinner Takes All."

Instead of giving readers any intimate, revealing aspects of the reasons behind Patrick's decision to enter porn, relationship with her parents or the crumbling of her marriage to musician Evan Seinfeld (of mook-rock nu-metal band Biohazard), whom she spends much of the book describing favorably (it's only the book's afterward which discusses the break-up, since Patrick says most of the memoir was written before the couple started to fall apart), it all reads like somewhat expanded-upon diary entries. From the first half of the book, which breezes over Patrick's dysfunctional relationship with her mother, time partying and modeling abroad and her dependent relationship on sex, readers don't really get answers, you get simplistic stories that just seem strung together to fill the pages at hand.

For example, in the chapter "Homecoming Scream," you don't really learn anything about her relationship with ex-boyfriend Paul; you just find out that he taught her "how to fuck, how to have an orgasm, and how to master my blow-job technique." There shouldn't necessarily be a little how-to section regarding each of those topics, but Patrick adapts that technique later on in her book, so it seems weird not to use it here. Similarly, Patrick describes her first penetration scene on-film as being exciting and invigorating: "I knew that I was not like the average girl. Things like this turned me on. I wasn't ashamed. I wanted more," but that doesn't seem to jive with her earlier explanation of her first sexual experience, which was with a much older photographer and which she didn't truly enjoy. It doesn't really seem like you're getting the real Tera Patrick - more like the woman she thinks you would expect.

Nevertheless, that's not to say the book doesn't have its moments: It's interesting to read about Patrick's transition from softcore to hardcore and how that decision affected her relationship with her parents, but those truly emotionally intimate moments are few and far between. Instead, too much of the memoir is spent mentioning other interesting aspects of her life, but not giving enough detail to them - for example, she often touches on her lawsuit with Digital Playground, but can't divulge too much information on it, so readers are obviously left wanting more. And similarly, though she often gushes over Seinfeld and their sexual practices ("It was a passionate, crazy, emotional, sex-crazed time," she says of their first few months together"), it seems like lazy writing to not include more about the dissolution of their marriage. Also lazy is all the bashing of Jenna Jameson, which seems unnecessary and childish, and numerous excerpts from her diary regarding her time after being committed, instead of more in-depth reflection on how that period affected her life and relationship with Seinfeld. A lot of it seems like Patrick is cutting corners and not fully divulging all of her thoughts and emotions.

But maybe - just possibly - these really are all of Patrick's feelings, and this reviewer is just expecting too much from a woman who constantly argues that the only reason she entered porn was because she loves sex and isn't craving any other kind of societal acceptance. Too suspicious? Maybe. Simply put, though, "Sinner Takes All" just doesn't seem honest enough, and merely falls flat (unlike Patrick's chest, the size of which she brings up over and over again). If that shouldn't be enough to turn you off, maybe you should try thinking with one head and not the other. Just an idea. 

About Patrick's co-author: Celebrity journalist Carrie Borzillo got her start at Billboard before graduating to such dubious achievements as columnist "Dr. Love" for Gene Simmons' Tongue magazine and penning love/sex advice column for SuicideGirls.com. She later published the 2007 book CHERRY BOMB: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, a Hotter Girlfriend and Living Life Like a Rock Star. Which explains a lot. Patrick and Borzillo are shown below at KROQ's Loveline.