Robertson-Limbaugh Haiti Relief Voodoo Dolls

More than just a fun way to score a free bottle of Oxycontin...

By Fred Mills

Now HERE's a couple of eBay offerings you can sink yer teeth into, er, stick some sharp objects in. First up: a Pat Robertson Voodoo Doll, which is being auctioned off by some clever lad or lassie from L.A. in order to raise funds for Haitian relief. (Thanks to Blurt contributor Jason Gross for the tip.)

Recall that the right Rev. Pat said on a 700 Club broadcast last week that the earthquake and ensuing devastation in Haiti was the product of God's wrath: "They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil."

Beyond the pale, yes, so here's your opportunity to own your very own voodoo doll that'll let you take a poke at the old blowhard anytime you feel like it.

According to the listing for item #190365539998, from vendor JohnnyVoodoo99

Finally!  What you've all been asking for!  A one of a kind, handmade PAT ROBERSTON VOODOO DOLL.

After an exclusive deal with devil, we are finally able to bring black magic into your very own home!  The lucky winner of this auction will attain the soul of Televangelist PAT ROBERTSON in a handheld figurine comprised of the finest straw, cloth, and other organic natural materials! 

Ever wanted to cause Pat Robertson a massive headache?  give him back pain?  jab him in the crotch?   Of course you have!  Well then BID NOW to own your very own pysical representation of the dark, dark soul of Pat Robertson.

Accessories included with the doll are Pat's very own "HOLY" BIBLE and BAG OF MONEY taken from real Americans!  WOW!

We'll take "jab him in the crotch" for 50 dollars, Alex!

Incidentally, the eBay auction pledges tht 100% of the profits from the sale will go to the American Red Cross.  As of this writing there have been 67 bids, and the current bid is $910, with 7 days left in the auction.

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But wait, as the saying goes - there's more! JohnnyVoodoo99 is also auctioning off a Rush Limbaugh Voodoo Doll. Same deal, except that proceeds go to Doctors Without Borders.

According to the listing:

 Because you demanded it!!  A RUSH LIMBAUGH VOODOO DOLL!!

We've made another deal with the devil (He makes great deals!) and this time captured the soul of popular radio personality and convicted felon RUSH LIMBAUGH, putting it into a voodoo doll that fits right in your pocket!

Ever wanted to cause Rush Limbaugh to lose his voice?  Have him sprain an ankle?  Come down with a rash in his bathing suit area?  Of course you have!!!  Well then BID NOW to own your very own physical representation of the cold, empty soul of Rush Limbaugh.

Accessories included with the doll are Rush's very own MICROPHONE and PRESCRIPTION BOTTLE OF OXYCONTIN!  WOW!!!

Well, of course we'll take the "lose his voice" option.

19 bids thus far, currently at $218.50, with 9 days left in the auction. C'mon America, step up to the plate, and let's bid these suckers up into the stratosphere. And seriously, donate to both of the organizations if yours is not the winning bid.