Blurt’s 51st Grammy Awards Recap

02/09/2009

U2 rocks, while Kid Rock, uh, doesn’t. And then there’s Lil Wayne, Coldplay, Kanye, Sugarland, Sir Paul, Katy Perry….

By Scott Crawford

U2 start the night off with Bono and mates playing with a jumbotron flashing each line of lyrics to “Get On Your Boots’ as they’re sung—kind of like a hi-tech version of “Subterranean Homesick Blues.” Kind of.

Whitney Houston is the first presenter of the evening for best R&B Album. Hoping Al Green wins here. Is it me or is she over-enunciating like you do when you’re drunk and don’t want anyone else to know. Jennifer Hudson wins it.

Um, the Rock is the next presenter. Man those chompers of his are white. He makes creepy Katie Perry kissing jokes, Crickets are heard chirping somewhere in the aisles.

Al Green with Justin Timberlake doing “Let’s Stay Together.” Timberlake looks star-struck. He should be.

Chris Martin from Coldplay starts tinkling the first notes to “Lost” at a piano….Jay-Z appears! My god the sound is bad. Who the hell is mixing this broadcast? Jay-Z leaves and martin joins his bandmates for a rousing version of “Viva la Vida.”

Carrie Underwood is rocking out-fuck! Who’s that guitar player? She can rock it. Clearly, I need guitar lessons. I’m humbled.

Lee Ann Rimes and Sheryl Crow present the Grammy for best country performance. Sugarland win and proceed to thank everybody in the industry including um, Paul McCartney.

The use of Cat Power’s “Space Oddity” cover for a Lincoln commercial is a highlight so far.

Duffy and AL Green announce the winner of the Song of the Year category (surprise!) Coldplay “Viva La Vida” …

Kid Rock-wait, is he getting socially conscious on us? Where’s the wifebeater and the beer? Kid Rock goes heartland rock with “Amen.” Then breaks into Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama” and references Billy Powell. Have to admit it, the band kinda rocks—even if the soundman doesn’t.

Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus together for the first time! Miley needs to dial down the dramatic gestures. Swift is playing it perfectly. Great poise.

Best Pop Collaboration: Plant and Krauss as winners are no surprise here. Krauss looks smashing. Plant looks like Plant—meaning he looks great (80s perm and all). Krauss remains silent while Plant accepts the award. It feels like they might sweep tonight.

Jennifer Hudson performance. What a voice. What a choir.

Stevie Wonder with a talkbox kicks off the Jonas Brothers set and plays throughout. Certainly not lacking in energy (or screaming fans) the Brothers finish up with a painfully vanilla version of Wonder’s “Superstition.”

Blink 182 take the opportunity to announce that “they’re back” as they read “Best Rock Album” nominees. Coldplay win (again). What’s up with the Sgt. Peppers garb? And Chris Martin says “he’s hoping to not tear up”. Thankfully, he doesn’t.

Nominee Katy Perry stumbles through her nauseating “I Kissed a Girl” hit. While she must’ve sung this number a million times, Perry looks more like an awkward teenager singing along and making her own YouTube video. Hey, I’m no choreographer, but are your backup dancers supposed to show you up? Looking like part (way) off-the-strip Vegas show and Britney at the 2008 MTV Awards, Perry might wanna go back to bible class. Mercy.

Kanye rocks it (with a Rockefeller-style trim) and introduces the Best New Artist and Adele wins it. She thanks fellow nominees Duffy and the Jonas Brothers (while rolling her eyes). Crowd laughs. So do I.

Morgan Freeman introduces “his friend” Kenny Chesney who proceeds to play. Yes, he’s wearing The Hat.

Record of the Year introduced by Natalie Cole by Sean Combs and Herbie Hancock. Plant and Krauss win again. Hey there’s T-Bone. Will Krauss speak? Nope, Plant hands the mike to Burnett whose response is short and sweet. Can you say awkward? I just did. Man, I wanted MIA to win this one.

Queen Latifah presents the “Lifetime Achievement Award to Dean Martin. She introduces the “Rap Pack” while a VERY pregnant MIA (in a Minnie-Mouse getup) starts off the montage “Swagger” followed By Kanye, Jay Z, TI, and Lil’ Wayne. It’s a minor miracle MIA’s water didn’t break—her hips were on fire.

Actress Kate Beckinsale introduces Sir Paul McCartney. He proceeds to blow through “I Saw Her Standing There” with his Hofner bass (and Dave Grohl behind the drumkit) in hand. Not bad. Not exactly inspired either.

Jack Black and his father-in-law Charlie Haden walk out together to present the best Male Pop vocal. Award goes to John Mayer . Ooph.

Sugarland and Adele are next up on the roster. Singer belongs on American Idol. That’s not necessarily a dis (though it my book it is). Adele and Sugarland share the stage and tradeoff vocal histrionics. Snore.

Gwyneth Paltrow introduces the one and only Radiohead. The curtains come up to reveal the band and a monstrous orchestra—including at least a half a dozen drummers. Yorke cavorts around the stage in what could arguably be the most avant number the Grammys have ever televised.

Baritone throated-phenom Josh Groban introduces Neil Diamond who waltzes through “Sweet Caroline” to a fairly responsive audience.

The tributes: I love this part. Always gets the lump in the throat all excited. Hey, I didn’t know Larry “The Father of Christian Rock” Norman died…

Sorry, I know John Mayer now spends more time trying to prove what a shredder he is than trying to shack up with paparazzi-obsessed starlets, but his continual need to share the stage with established blues players like BB King (and Keith Urban?!) just plain grates.

Lil Wayne pays tribute to Hurricane Katrina victims with Robin Thicke. Nice Alan Toussaint and Terence Blanchard appearance at the end. Thicke should’ve stayed home…

Lil Wayne wins best Hip Hop Award for “Tha Carter III.”

The lovely Zooey Deschanel comes and introduces Plant and Krauss. Plant still has the moves. They win for Album of the Year.

Feb 2012

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