BY GILLIAN G. GAAR

The economy is tanking, the war continues, there's an air of uncertainty about the future coupled with the fact that a presidential election looms... so what better time to go on holiday?

The islands of Hawaii have much that appeals to the soul in search of rejuvenation: sun, sand, surf - and Mai Tais. BLURT investigated them all for you in a recent trip to paradise from Oct. 1 through the 8^th.

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A trip to Hawaii doesn't have to break the bank. True, one should spring a bit extra to fly on Hawaiian Airlines, who still offer free meals, and whose in-flight crew is actually friendly. Cheap accommodations can readily be secured in the tourist mecca of Waikiki (my choice is the well-worn but full of funky character Royal Grove Hotel, www.royalgrovehotel.com). And if it's slack key guitar and graceful hula you desire, the early evening at any ritzy hotel will serve up the goods nightly, along with pricey fruity cocktails.

If you're going the dirt cheap route, there are numerous free shows to check out. Every evening except Mondays (at 6 pm in winter, 6:30 pm the rest of the year) there's a live music and hula show under the banyan tree on Kuhio Beach (though generically referred to as "Waikiki Beach," the beach is actually comprised of sections with different names). It's a great way to kick off your Hawaiian holiday; the hour-long show leaves you plenty of time to catch other entertainment afterwards, and the music and dance is first rate.

The showily-named Derek Daniels Productions hosts two free shows during the week at the International Marketplace (still as tackily kitschy - kitschily tacky? - as it ever was; your premiere outlet for t-shirt action and "genuine" jewelry), and the rather more subdued Waikiki Town Center. The show is described as "spicy and exhilarating." Well, not quite. The Town Center presents a very stripped down setting for the show (smaller stage, fewer lights), so the Marketplace is the better venue to catch this modern hula act (when it's billed as "Voyage Through Polynesia"), danced to recorded music. And though it's a small company, there's still a lot of energy, especially when the Tahitian hula dancers take the stage (it's Tahitian hula that features the exceptionally fast shaking hips). Local Hawaiian music is offered on other nights; on the evening I stopped by, I caught a local "Aunty" (older Hawaiian woman) playing with a pick-up band while a group of her friends shared hula duties. Check the current schedule as www.internationalmarketplace.com.

The Hyatt Regency Waikiki has a great "Aloha Friday" presentation that kicks off at 5:30 pm, with an emphasis on educating the public about Hawaiian culture. On the day I attended, there was a short demonstration of various hula styles (with unwary audience members drawn in to participate), a fire-knife dancer, then two "Aunties" from the North Shore who played ukulele and sang, to the special delight of one young listener who just didn't want to leave. Visiting acts spotted in the audience were invited to perform, something that happened at other shows I attended as well. You're also able to make yourself a free lei, thus saving you an easy $7-$12 just for showing up. Freshly-made poi samples were also available (mashed taro root, not as pasty-tasting when its fresh).

If nothing else, you can always cruise "the Strip" - Kalakaua Avenue between Seaside and Uluniu - after sundown and catch plenty of action, from such street performers as the mysterious "Silver Men" (one drums, the other doesn't), magicians, Elmo (who swears he makes a decent living soliciting tips from passers-by who take their picture with him), and the lovely Kiana, whose singer-songwriter stylings can be summarized by her myspace quote: "Be the voice that is your essence" (myspace.com/kianamusic).

The drawback is that none of these venues offer adult beverages, a misfortune one can easily circumvent by simply pouring your favorite libation in a picturesque thermos cup readily available at the ubiquitous ABC Stores in the area (which also provide a good selection of adult beverages). Or simply head to the hotel bars. One must be selective, as some bars forget that alcoholic fruity drinks are, in fact, supposed to contain alcohol. The Mai Tais at the Moana Surfrider Beach Bar were tasty, and while the drink I had at Duke's Canoe Club on my last visit was noticeably short of any liquor, the "Mango-Rita" I tried this time did deliver on that score. Both venues have live music in the early evenings ("hotel hours," meaning it generally stops around 9 pm), which I didn't catch this time.

After a less-than-impressive "Kahala Sunset" at the tony Kahala (actually outside Waikiki), it was back to basics - a nice rum and coke at the Waikiki Beach Marriott, where George Kuo, Martin Pahinui and Aaron Mahi perform on Sundays, mostly laidback music embellished by slide guitar; hula dancers in the audience were invited to perform. The "Blue Hawaii" (juices, coconut, blue curacao, rum) at the Sheraton also failed to ignite, but the hotel's poolside show won points for its length (two and a half hours), variety (live musicians, lots of dancers), and the always scintillating fire-knife dance.

Brochures for the Sheraton Princess Kaiulani big ticket show Creation tout it as an "audio-visual spectacular" that will "astound" you with its "spellbinding drama." Well, it's really a glorified dance show, though the dances are executed with suitable flair, there's a few pyrotechnics (exploding volcanoes), more fire-knife dancing, and I never get tired of those Tahitian hip-swivelings. Shop around for a coupon or discount tour agency so you don't pay the hefty $78 for the dinner ticket (an all-you-can-eat buffet). Though the standard dinner ticket comes with a free drinkie, I wisely opted for the beer; I was told by those who picked the Mai Tai that it was too sweet. The drinks at the poolside Pikake Lounge were also in need of a greater kick.

There is non-Hawaiian music around if you get tired of the mellow stuff. On Saturdays at the "Elegant Dive" at the Hyatt Regency, I caught a full show by Beatles tribute band Rubber Soul. Though wearing dark suits and ties, the group aren't impersonators, nor are they completely vocal imitators of the Fabs; they're more like a great covers band. In addition to the expected hits like "I Want to Hold Your Hand," they also perform lesser known material like "I'll Be Back" and "Nowhere Man." And they handily demonstrate that you don't need a keyboard player to round out the Fabs' latter day material, turning in creditable versions of "A Day In The Life," "Strawberry Fields Forever" and both medleys from Abbey Road (See? The Beatles could have toured behind Sgt. Pepper!). The Dive's bartender Steve was written up in the Honolulu Weekly as making a stiff drink, as my Hana Passion (coconut, lilikoi, tropical juices, rum) readily demonstrated. Steve insisted his fellow bartender should've been mentioned as well, but I found the drink he made for me wasn't nearly as strong. You're the man for booze-i-full drinks, Steve.

There was much entertainment I missed. I didn't go to a gun club. I didn't check out "Club Alley Cats" (though I could apparently work in the neighborhood if I gave "Wil" a call). I didn't see Kato Kaelin's "comedy" performance. The "incomparable multi-media show" Waikiki: Nei was closed until the holidays, when it's hoped the tourist trade will pick up. I called too late to secure a spot on the "Classic Rock N Roll Blue Cruise," which boasts "No rap! No hip hop! No disco!" and "Rated ‘R' U Ready To Party." The Royal Hawaiian Hotel, with its famed Mai Tai Bar, was undergoing renovations (though I've previously found their service rather spotty and the Mai Tais having room for improvement). Well, there's always next time.

But, I did manage to make several visits to my very favorite spot in the neighborhood, the Halekulani ("House Befitting Heaven") hotel. Even if you can't stay here (and at $445 a night only those lucky folks with much disposable income can afford to do so), you can still partake in the five star ambiance at the various lounges. Cocktail seating at The House Without A Key restaurant (from 5:30 to 8:30 pm) is sublime: you sit outside, beneath a 100 year old Kiawe tree, Diamond Head volcano providing a scenic backdrop, while various wonderful trios conjure up the perfect Hawaiian mood (occasionally embellished by the traditional hula of two former Miss Hawaii's, Kanoe Miller and Debbie Nakanelua). And the drinks are well worth it; I found the Mai Tais a bit too limey (though it is very attractive), but the Tropical Itch (an enticing blend of orange curacao, rums, and bourbon) definitely gives you more bang for your buck (it also comes with a free backscratcher). The Hale Passion (passion fruit, almond, coconut, light cream, rum) is also recommended. For the first time, I also visited the Halekulani's Lewers Lounge, the kind of dimly-lit nook where you'd expect to find light piano jazz playing, as I did on one evening, courtesy of Noly Paa. I also found the best margarita I've had on the islands - and most places stateside for that matter.

And good news, beer drinkers; Primo beer is being manufactured once again, though it's not distributed on the mainland as yet, alas. I enjoyed more than a few bottles of this cool, refreshing lager on the lanai of my hotel, a most enjoyable way of passing the time when you need to get out of the sun.

Anyone visiting the islands should feel free to send me a case c/o BLURT.

I'm Gillian G. Gaar, and I approved this Mai Tai!