READING IS FUCKINMENTAL / Jason Matthew Smith

NEW & NOTEWORTHY

Barbeau, Beatlemania and Brother don’t preach.

Vampyres of Hollywood: A Novel, by Adrienne Barbeau and Michael Scott (Thomas Dunne Books, released July 8)

Alright, vampire books make me want to shove my face into a wood chipper. I mean, come on, can you think of a concept that has been more overhyped and overplayed than a damn blood sucker story? My thinking is this—there are three reasons to pen a vampire story nowadays: 1) you’re an Anne Rice geek and you scribble out fan fiction just because Lestat makes your genitals tingle and you don’t care if your work is ever published; 2) you’re committing career suicide; 3) your name is Adrienne Barbeau. Perhaps—just perhaps—if you’re a chesty queen of horror and sci-fi flicks, you can get away with a story about vampires. In Hollywood. Literal vampires, mind you—not the celeb leeches we’ve all come to know and loathe. Hell, she was married to John Carpenter, so she’s gotta know something about writing dark fantasy, right? Yeah.    

Life With My Sister Madonna, by Christopher Ciccone and Wendy Leigh (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, released July 15)

It was bound to happen: Madonna Louise Ciccone Ritchie’s little brother has finally penned the book we all expected. He apparently rats out his sister, exposing every dope-fueled tryst and all-too-public lezzie make-out session. Do we really give a shit about this stuff anymore? Apparently someone out there does, or books like this wouldn’t see the light of day. I won’t be reading it, but if someone would kindly e-mail or fax the naughty bits involving Madonna locking lips with Gwyneth Paltrow, I might be persuaded to read it. Alone. (God, what I wouldn’t give for explicit photos ….)

Beatlemania Forever: The Beatles Encyclopedia, by W. Fraser Sandercombe (Collector’s Guide Publishing, released August 1)

Another Beatles book you say? Damn straight. Beatles books are like prostitutes—sometimes kinda nice to look at, but rarely worth the cover price. That’s why your local used book store is packed to the rafters with the things. But this one has the potential to be a pretty decent one, if only because of its comprehensive coverage of the Fab Four. And those peripherally connected to the band, too. Time will tell.

Jason Matthew Smith is a Texan who never developed an accent, thanks to a steady diet of television reruns during his formative years. He now lives in Utah, where everyone thinks he sounds just like John Astin, the original Gomez Addams.