Notes from the road while on tour in Europe: why the Ettes frontwoman's not eating the bratwurst in Germany this time around.

By Coco Hames

I dropped out of college after my first semester because it was horrible and I hated it, and when you do that, not only is it complicated to go back, but you lose your right to live in the dorms.  Yes, it is a privilege to live in meningitis and crabs infested hellholes with Stachybotrys being pumped through the filthy air vents so you constantly have bronchitis and insulation so poor that your bed sheets are always damp and there's a film of cold, dirty water on top of everything, AND your roommate climbs uninvited into bed with you so you punch a window and face disciplinary action from the university OR your roommate is in ROTC and needs wakeup calls from her fellows every morning at 4am, right after you've gotten home from drowning your loneliness at a bar called BALLS...

When I came back to Gainesville -- after a few months back at home, working at a boutique where, when I go back there with my mom, the shopgirls stare at me and whisper audibly "SHE'S the nastiest one", meaning, evidently, both my sisters are mean and nasty, but I'M the worst, and mind you, these are people who don't know me or my family to begin with -- I found a room open in a big brick house near campus (it's here: http://maps.google.de/maps?hl=de&tab=wl).  It had 6 bedrooms and was occupied by an art student, a library sciences student, a really strange older student whose bedroom was actually a closet, and two Cuban cousins whose nicknames were Kiki and Pipa.  Pipa was a nursing student, and Kiki was studying film.  She made a student film and my boobs are in it.  Fact.

Kiki has always been a major lover of animals (I've mentioned her before, we used to foster dogs together) and has been vegetarian for as long as I've known her.  Except when we got Jennie-O turkey corn dogs, but that was a long time ago.  My older sister was vegetarian for a long time, refusing to "eat anything that had a face" and rocking her Greenpeace AND Depeche Mode t-shirts.  And world... I have now joined their ranks.  It's been a couple of months.  I am a vegetarian.

You can read my blog a couple posts back about my issues with the factory farming of animals, and while I really don't think investigating and becoming cognizant of that terrible system pushes to change you from meat eater to veggieoid, it did heighten my awareness of my own concept and process of meat eating.  And I thought to myself, self, do you like eating meat?  And myself said "Shit yeah I do!"  I love an obscenely rare, bloody steak, I love Chick-Fil-A (who I imagine are major supporters of factory farms/CAFOs, Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations, their term, though I do hate birds, and don't care very much about chickens) and I'm Southern, so how in the hell can I possibly exist without pork? 

So I thought about it.  And I thought about how I don't cook or eat that much meat anyway, because as a wary consumer and vaguely compassionate person I am uncomfortable with the unanswered question of how the animal was treated when it was alive.  And I wondered whether my body needed meat or did not need it.  So I kind of thought, okay maybe I'll try not eating meat and see if I care, see how I feel.  So I did that, and I told my friends and fam I was doing so, and everything was fine.  And then my brother-in-law gave me Alicia Silverstone's new book for Christmas, which is a cookbook/manifesto suggesting "The Kind Diet" which would of course be totally free of animal products (that's eggs and dairy, too).  And honestly, I was totally offended, I was like, Alicia Silverstone seems like a very nice girl as far as actresses go, but she is also most likely a BOOB and has her head up her Hollywood ass, and her advice could not possibly apply to me, UMEBOSHI PLUMS ARE $18 FOR ABOUT AN OUNCE.  But check it yo, it did.

I'm pretty sure Alicia Silverstone the person is exactly like she is in Clueless, which seems very pleasant to me actually, because I love Clueless and love her in it.  But she very passionately and enthusiastically suggests, politely, that you might try a diet free of animal products, just for a few weeks, and see how you feel.  Alicia Silverstone notwithstanding, if you asked me (I won't come at you unsolicited, not my style) I'd suggest the same.  I don't really feel like going into it, all the statistics, not just about the animals but the way animal products generally adversely affect us humans and our planet, links to cancer, diabetes, heart disease, pollution, poisoning epidemics that kill children, global warming, you name it.  I'll just tell you a vegetarian diet suits me, I feel better, the personal is the political, and there you have it.

So anyway, not like you care, but I no longer eat meat, taking it day by day.  If Poni gets that rare steak, I look at it, and it neither offends me or turns me on.  Not like it used to.  I just don't want it.  So that's me, I shant devolve into a postulating preacher man about how much better I feel bodily or how my head is clearer, my moods better, my bod a bit foxier, whatever.  Though I will tell you that I understand why people are preachy about it, just like people are (annoyingly) preachy about anything they're passionate about, religion, rock climbing, etc. 

I've never been rock climbing, though I did just stupidly (and soberly!) risk my life climbing up a giant tree on Dog Island (http://wikimapia.org/165081/Dog-Island) because my little sister's childhood friend dared me to.  What an idiot.  I was not safe.  In Phillip Pullman's epic and glorious trilogy His Dark Materials he speaks of the "grace" children have, that innocence that protects them and informs them their beautiful, poetic, prescient knowledge, the elegance of their sensitivity to the spiritual and magical world around us all.  Yeah, I do NOT have grace anymore, that shit was scary and MAD dangerous.

Off to Stuttgart tomorrow, you never know what the future might bring.

Jarvis Cocker and Air wrote that Charlotte Gainsbourg album everyone's been talking about??

***

Blurt "co-co-editor" Coco Hames fronts The Ettes - Hames on guitar, Jem Cohen on bass and Poni Silver on drums. Their Greg Cartwright-produced album Do You Want Power arrived in stores last fall, their music was featured in the Drew Barrymore-directed film Whip It, and you bet we've got a big feature on the band in the latest issue of BLURT.

The band is on a European tour currently then upon returning to the states will be headed to Austin for SXSW. After that they'll be opening for the Dead Weather throughout April. Check out the band's MySpace page for music and tour dates.

Serving up another edition of LETTERS FROM THE ROAD, our guest post series where we invite musicians we are utterly nuts about to take over and write whatever they like. 2 rules: it has to be in the form of a letter, it has to have something to do with music. This week's LETTERS FROM THE ROAD guest author is a friend and brilliant singer-songwriter who we adore, Jim Boggia:

Dear Taylor Swift,

We need to talk.

I want you to know up front that I really tried to find someone else to write to - someone else who could ease my pain, someone else who might not make me feel so bitter. But I am bitter, Taylor - bitter about things you're probably too young to understand and that you probably, to be fair, are not so much responsible for as you are representative of.

You know where this is going. Yes, it's the Grammy thing. That performance. You can't sing. You took home four Grammys . . . . and you can't sing. There's a moment in the first chorus of 'Rhiannon' where you can see Stevie Nicks is visibly cringing at how flat you are singing. Let me make sure you understand this, because you're young and this might be lost on you. This is not Stevie WONDER we're talking about cringing at your performance, but Stevie NICKS, a woman who owes her career to sleeping with a genius guitar freak/audio architect. Because you see, that's how it was done in the old days and we didn't necessarily approve of it, but it got us laid, so ok - let the girl who likes to pretend she's a witch sing a couple of songs. But even she still had to hit the notes.

How can I make you understand?

A long time ago, we had a group called the Beatles. You might have heard of them as they are now a video game. Anyway, we loved them so much that we even liked to hear their drummer, Ringo, sing one song an album, even though he couldn't really quite hit the notes. But, the thing is Taylor, he was the DRUMMER. And we really loved the Beatles. And everything else they did was so groundbreakingly amazing. And it was only one song an album.

When you don't hit the notes it's different, and not in a good way. I know, I know, on your records, it sounds like you CAN hit the notes [...]

A Triple-A radio programming veteran, Kate has served as Music Director of the Loft at XM, Midday Host at WYEP, Evening Host at both WNCS and WUIN, as well as Content Supervisor for Pump Audio. Currently, she's the CEO of Outlandos Music, a new-music discovery service for grown-ups. Kate has been nationally recognized for her ardent presentation of music and her ability to champion talented, compelling artists.

You know the drill. IN SHORT is our monthly hodgepodge selection of stuff we think's worth mentioning... sometimes it's about music, sometimes not. This month, it's about live music (what's that? We kid, we kid), the interwebs, sort of:

SxSW Interactive, Film & Music Festival
Every year it seems someone is always questioning the validity of music conferences. And for good reason. Mostly they suck. The music panels especially. A bunch of know-it-alls who live at 30,000 feet and just like to hear the sound of their own voices --- seemingly never doling out any practical, useful advice. Sadly, the music panels at SxSW are generally no exception. But now that I've started going to the Interactive portion of the festival beforehand, I could care less.

SxSW Interactive, that's where you actually learn things. And generally, there's less drinking (then during SxSW Music) which makes for better brainwork. You remember people's names. Business cards actually find their way into your suitcase. You take notes. You have ideas.

Then, a funny sort of phenomenon starts to happen as the week wears on and Interactive flows into Music (Film is supposed to be the bridge but really, who goes?). Less green vegetables. Less sleep. Longer nights. The hotel staff now knows you by first name. Instead of sitting at panels you're standing all day shows. But your attention span is shot and your smart phone is blowing up. Plus, your feet hurt [...]

A Triple-A radio programming veteran, Kate has served as Music Director of the Loft at XM, Midday Host at WYEP, Evening Host at both WNCS and WUIN, as well as Content Supervisor for Pump Audio. Currently, she's the CEO of Outlandos Music, a new-music discovery service for grown-ups. Kate has been nationally recognized for her ardent presentation of music and her ability to champion talented, compelling artists.

Out ‘n' about in the City of Angels with Blurt's roving shutterbug (2/1 - 2/14).

By Scott Dudelson

(above) Audible Mainframe - Live @ The Mint (www.theroxyonsunset.com) - 2/3

 David 55- Live @ The Mint (www.theroxyonsunset.com) - 2/3

Megan Slankard - Live @ The Mint (www.themintla.com) - 2/3

Dave Rawlings Machine (Dave Rawlings & Gillian Welch) - Live @ Troubadour (www.troubadour.com) - 2/4

Dave Rawlings Machine (Dave Rawlings & Ketch Secor of Old Crow Medicine Show) - Live @ Troubadour (www.troubadour.com) - 2/4

Dave Rawlings Machine - Live @ Troubadour (www.troubadour.com) - 2/4

Zigaboo Modeliste (of The Meters)  - Live @ The Mint (www.themintla.com) - 2/5

Jacob Jazz Fred Odyssey (Brian Haas) - Live @ The Mint (www.themintla.com) - 2/6

James McMurtry - Live @ The Mint (www.themintla.com) - 2/11

Dirty Dozen Brass Band (soprano saxophonist Roger Lewis) - Live @ The Mint (www.themintla.com) - 2/13

***

Scott Dudelson is a music journalist and concert photographer based in Los Angeles.  Scott is also the Chief Operating Officer of Prodege, LLC, the company behind www.swagbucks.com.

Highlights of what's been running through the speakers here at OUTLANDOS HQ the last month or so:

1. The Silver Seas, Chateau Revenge



So I've talked about these guys a billion times and in fact will be featuring almost this entire record on THE DAILY DOSE all next month... it's that good. This is their third release, the other two are equally brilliant. They had to change their name in the middle of everything which was a slight bummer, they used to be The Bees (US). Either way, I love them. I bet you will too. Daniel Tashian (son of Barry Tashian, of legendary New England garage rockers The Remains) et al.

2. Jets Overhead, No Nations



Canadian outfit, this is their sophomore effort. It took little while to grow on me [...]

A Triple-A radio programming veteran, Kate has served as Music Director of the Loft at XM, Midday Host at WYEP, Evening Host at both WNCS and WUIN, as well as Content Supervisor for Pump Audio. Currently, she's the CEO of Outlandos Music, a new-music discovery service for grown-ups. Kate has been nationally recognized for her ardent presentation of music and her ability to champion talented, compelling artists.

Too far gone: friends don't let friends become nannies.

By Coco Hames

Sometimes people will ask us, "What is the worst job you've ever had?" and for each of us, the story is different, and sometimes it changes.  Worst how?  Meanest boss?  Longest hours?  Shittiest pay?  Depending on the mood we're in, we can site any of the many crappy jobs we've had.  Jem will tell you about the bloody pumps he had to clean at the hospital, Poni maybe being accidentally drugged at a club and then hallucinating that she's being stabbed to death by hundreds of small flying knives.  Maybe getting smacked in the kitchen of a terrible New York restaurant that I'd quit not for the smacking but the fact that they made you clock in with a thumbprint... But one of the most annoying, I think, is the one I never got.  

I was living in Los Angeles, I think I was working as a receptionist at a hair salon, barely getting paid, and I knew I had to get another job if I was going to survive.  Through a friend of the owner of a local music venue, I think, I was asked if I'd ever want to take a nanny position.  I like kids well enough now (COOL kids) but I've never been that great with them.  Our mindsets are too similar, they know it and I know it, so we just mostly sit around analyzing each other, scowling into each other's faces from across the room.  You with your toys, me with my books, you mind your business, I'll mind mine.

But I needed the money (oh how many stories start this way), so I said I'd at least take the interview.  I went over to these people's house in the afternoon, probably just around when school got out.  I was introduced to the parents, who seemed like nice enough people, or the mom did, however skin-crawlingly LA the dad was.  And don't give me shit about using "LA" as an insulting adjective; California has the best food and prettiest everything, makes movies and wine (two things I cannot live without), and there are a lot of great people out there, so shut up.  For my derogatory definition of "LA" please view this short documentary film: http://www.timanderic.com/laguyz1022.mov.  Regard, and then we can move forward.

So as soon as I was settled in their spacious living room for my interview, two 12-year-old girls come downstairs.  I learned one of them was the girl for whom I'd potentially be nannying (picking up from school, helping with her homework, making her snacks/dinner, maybe even teaching some guitar, piano, songwriting) and the other was the girl's best friend.  And they came equipped with their own list of questions for me.  It was really cute, something I totally would have done had I been interviewing a potential nanny at age 12.  Questions about how much trouble I'd let them get into, what kind of snacks I'd make, what my favorite movies were, who my celeb boy crush was... really cute.  And I thought to myself, well, they will pay really well, and maybe I can get these girls into rock and roll, this could be a kind of fun job!

But then, after the girls had finished questioning me and gone back upstairs, the parents asked me about school work.  How well I'd done in school, what my strongest subjects were.  And then they dropped the bomb on me: the girl needed a lot of help with her math.  I said, look, I have to be honest, with books and languages I can totally help, but math... there's just no way.  I couldn't lie to them, don't 12-year-olds these days need to know calculus?  Isn't she studying for the SATs and college placement stuff?  Wouldn't I be doing a young mind a huge disservice, pretending I knew how to add and/or subtract numbers?  I don't know, I couldn't be a bad influence in an academic respect, so I knew it was a deal breaker, but I had to tell the truth.

Sure enough, a couple of days later the mom called me and said while I was like one they all LIKED the best, there was another applicant who had experience tutoring in math, and they had to do what was best for the kid.  I understood, of course, and the job I went on to take was running a boutique within walking distance from my apartment, so it really worked out for the best.

Fast forward two years, and I'm a pretty content 23-year-old.  I'm managing a cool boutique, I play whatever records I want all day, I can read and play on the computer, I can walk to and from work (unheard of in Los Angeles) and to my favorite Thai joint for lunch, PLUS my hours were really pleasant (vaguely 11am-7pm) and allowed time for my band to rehearse and play shows.  It was all very well-rounded and just what I needed.  Until one day...

All the time douchey people would come in (not the least of which, that Bradley Cooper guy, who I always thought was someone else, and then would realize, no it's just that guy who plays mean guys on TV? TOTAL jerk to me, every time) so it never really fazed me.  What was best, of course, is when these douchey people would buy expensive things, and I'd get commission on top of my salary.  Then I can buy stuff!  Guitar strings!  Groceries!  Vodka!  Note to douchebags: spending a lot of money goes a long way with little shop girls, who will either put on really loud punk music until you're forced to leave, or pleasantly help you with your jacket selection.  Dear Adam Levine, the nicest exchange we ever had was when you bought that solid gold starfish for whichever model you were with at the time, really made my day, way more than the time you said the Kids in the Hall "weren't funny", you didn't remember the State, and that Elf "had no plotline".  

So this one afternoon, this teenager came in texting away, talking to her friend.  And I said, "Hey guys, let me know if I can help you with anything" and went back to doing my inventory, and one of them goes, "Oh my God, Coco?" and I looked up and was like, "Yeah?"  thinking, these girls are a bit old to be the kids of my friends, and definitely way too young to have come to an Ettes show?  And then one of them goes, "Didn't you almost work for me?" with this derisive laugh.  Didn't you almost work for me... um... and I was like, holy shit!  It's that kid I was going to nanny!  And I said, "Holy shit!  You're that kid I was going to nanny!"  And she was so snobby, oh, it was horrible!  She kind of looked around the shop and said, "Sooo... so this is what you do now?  I thought you were in a band or something?"  Ouch, right?  From a spoiled rich kid that I could have given cool books and records to.  It was like Veruca Salt if she had a Valley girl accent.  Only not Louise Post from Veruca Salt, she's really nice, she taught me to type properly.

I think I just gave them my best Scientological stare until they got uncomfortable and giggled off into the Silverlake afternoon, but sometimes I think about that girl, if I had been her nanny, would I have helped her at all, would I have helped her not become the LA Guyz teenage version of her dad?  Could I have gotten her into rock and roll, stocked her bookshelves with great subversive books, influenced her to replace her pink polo shirts and khaki shorts with black black black?  But then again, you never know: she always could have been already too far gone.

***

Blurt "co-co-editor" Coco Hames fronts The Ettes - Hames on guitar, Jem Cohen on bass and Poni Silver on drums. Their Greg Cartwright-produced album Do You Want Power arrived in stores last fall, their music was featured in the Drew Barrymore-directed film Whip It, and you bet we've got a big feature on the band in the latest issue of BLURT.

The band commences a big European tour next week then upon returning to the states will be headed to Austin for SXSW. Check out the band's MySpace page for music and tour dates.

"The Zombie Option"
FAX THIS TO YOUR ELECTED REPRESENTATIVES AND DEMAND THAT THEY INTRODUCE IT
IN THE 112TH CONGRESS!!!

A CONCURRENT RESOLUTION

A Concurrent Resolution to establish a National Day of Ceremonial Voodoo
intended to expunge the treacherous misdeeds of centuries of narcissists,
dilettantes and special interests; to awaken a hunger for fresh souls within
the pits of Hell: and to engorge the shaft of Democracy with the coursing
blood of Liberty.

WHEREAS: The United States Congress freely and openly recognizes that
zombies are real.

WHEREAS: A Zombie, properly and necessarily conjured by the People of The
United States, in their wisdom, would be cool to see.

WHEREAS: A Zombie, properly conjured and endowed by it's creator with an
insatiable hunger for the flesh of Oligarchs, Plutocrats, Charlatans,
Philistines, Lying Power-Whores, Spineless Dilettantes, Gutless Narcissists
and otherwise Empty-Suited & Ideologically Bankrupt Pussies of all stripes,
would necessarily be seen by the people as an undead champion of public
service and defender of the Constitution from beyond the grave.

WHEREAS: The United States Congress has never officially recognized the
substantial contributions of the undead to the American story.

WHEREAS: No concrete data exists regarding the flesh-eating capacity of a
single Zombie, thus the United States Congress must act to encourage the
conjuring of several Zombies.

WHEREAS: Thomas Jefferson, James Madison and John Adams would totally shit
their breeches if they saw what a sniveling pillow fight the republic has
become.

WHEREAS: Passing this off as some kind of ‘National Day of Prayer" was the
only way to get it past Inhoffe, Ensign and the rest of the God Squad.

WHEREAS: Zombie Founding Fathers exacting a bloody revenge is really strong
symbol upon which to base our respective re-elects: Now therefore, be it
resolved by the House Of Representatives ( the Senate concurring),

SECTION 1. A NATIONAL DAY OF VOODOO CEREMONY AND PRAYER FOR THE PURPOSE OF CONJURING ZOMBIE VERSIONS OF THOMAS JEFFERSON, JAMES MADISON AND JOHN ADAMS TO DEVOUR THE FLESH OF CERTAIN OF THE ELECTED REPRESENTATIVES THEREBY ENSURING DOMESTIC TRANQUILITY, PROMOTING THE GENERAL WELFARE AND SECURING THE BLESSINGS OF LIBERTY TO OUR SELVES AND OUR POSTERITY.

            a. Procurement and Conjuring of the Zombies-The President of The
United States will in consultation with The Congress and subject to the
approval of the House Committee on Para-Patriotic Activities, create the
office of Zombie Czar and appoint it's chairman. Pending approval of the
Congress, The Zombie Czar shall then lead the American People in a day long
ritual whose effect will be the creation of the Zombie Founding Fathers.
            b. Mandate of the Undead-The Zombie Czar shall empower his
undead minions to walk the earth and pray upon the weakest and most foul of
our officials for not more than thirty days from the time of the founding
fathers emergence from their respective crypts. Furthermore, any additional
Zombie Purges or additional Zombies conjured into service must be approved
by the House Committee on Para-Patriotic Activities.
            c. Recognition of the contributions of Undead Americans-The
Architect of the Capitol shall design, procure and place in a prominent
location in Emancipation Hall in the Capitol Visitors Center a marker, which
acknowledges the significant contributions of Undead Americans to the
American story.

Brandon Phillips is a tenured fellow at the think tank Floating Brain
Global Solutions, visiting scholar at FreedomWorks, winner of the Idi Amin
Dada Perfect Attendance Award at the Ugnadan Culinary Institute and senior
strategist for TeaParty.org's "Knee-Jerk-Assoles Project"

Of all the things Lefsetz does that drive me crazy, you gotta admit, his shameless posting of even the most negative feedback is semi-endearing. A recent excerpt (re:The Who/Super Bowl):

Sorry Bob, your interesting and semi-relevant posts, which make up about a fourth of all your ramblings just aren't worth the other three-fourths in which you do nothing but remind us what a complete and utter asshole you really are.

The Who were not great. But your overstatement is just one more example of you trying to be bold and brash by overstating something and just being downright nasty. At some point, at your age, one would think you would have grown up and realized when you're just being an ass.

Let me see if I can put it another way.....if you were Roger Daltrey (and thank God you are not) you would have sang "Who the FUCK are you?" just to somehow prove you were still hip and relevant. (Which by the way, you are not.) [...]

A Triple-A radio programming veteran, Kate has served as Music Director of the Loft at XM, Midday Host at WYEP, Evening Host at both WNCS and WUIN, as well as Content Supervisor for Pump Audio. Currently, she's the CEO of Outlandos Music, a new-music discovery service for grown-ups. Kate has been nationally recognized for her ardent presentation of music and her ability to champion talented, compelling artists.

Out ‘n' about in the City of Angels with Blurt's roving shutterbug (1/15 - 1/30).

By Scott Dudelson

(pictured above) Alec Ounsworth (of Clap Your Hands & Say Yeah) - Live @ The Wiltern - 1/23

Cold War Kids (singer Nathan Willett) - Live @ The Wiltern - 1/23

Ted Nugent - Live @ The Canyon Club (www.canyonclub.net) - 1/24

That One Guy - Live @ The Mint (www.themintla.com) - 1/26

Jason Boesel  - Live @ The Bootleg Theatre (www.bootlegtheater.com) - 1/27

Jason Boesel (of Rilo Kiley / Mystic Valley Band) & Nik Frietas (of Mystic Valley Band) - Live @ The Bootleg Theatre (www.bootlegtheater.com) - 1/27

Z. Berg (of The Like) & David Rawlings - Live @ The Bootleg Theatre (www.bootlegtheater.com) - 1/27

Alex Greenwald (of Phantom Planet) - Live @ The Bootleg Theatre (www.bootlegtheater.com) - 1/27

Jimmy Vivino (of The Tonight Show Band) - Live @ "An Evening of Higher Consciousness" to Benefit Drukpa Foundation (www.drukpausa.org) - 1/28

Ben Lee - Live @ "An Evening of Higher Consciousness" to Benefit Drukpa Foundation (www.drukpausa.org) - 1/28

Poe - Live @ "An Evening of Higher Consciousness" to Benefit Drukpa Foundation (www.drukpausa.org) - 1/28

Tim Reynolds (of TR3 / Dave Matthews Band) - Live @ The Mint (www.themintla.com) - 1/29

Los Lobos (singer Cesar Rojas) - UCLA Live @ Royce Hall (www.uclalive.org) - 1/30

Los Lobos (multi-instrumentalist Steve Berlin) - UCLA Live @ Royce Hall (www.uclalive.org) - 1/30

***

Scott Dudelson is a music journalist and concert photographer based in Los Angeles.  Scott is also the Chief Operating Officer of Prodege, LLC, the company behind www.swagbucks.com.

Its grey today but I know the sun will break through and burn away any hopes of rain and the smell of a new world rain always seems to bring. 

Fucking leaf blowers. I watch from the 13th story of my building as one tiny little man with a motor on his back blows around a bunch of dead leaves. Does he get paid to do this? If I were a leaf blower man, I would be a bad leaf blower man. I would walk into banks, high on gas fumes and seven eleven coffee and blow the shit outta that place. No one wants to fuck with the hostel, dirty air of a gas powered leaf blower, or the dead soul operating it. Has the world always been this silly?

From the 13th story of my building I watch the hand of god compose me a song of jaded ambulance sirens hauling off the dead or near dying, hundred thousand dollar cars honking at hundred dollar cars. Neon churches of fried meat and disciples of bad style litter the landscape below as cops on bicycles roll up on unsuspecting lovers smoking crack in the shadows.

From my brick and concrete nest in the sky everything below me looks so silly. While I am up here safe in my room I know one day I'm gonna have to go down there and be apart of "all that mess." I am "all that mess" after all, but alone, alone I am divine. For now my hands are stained with paint and love and my electronic leash is buzzing away at something or someone desperately trying to reach me. If freedom is an illusion then I will make slavery an illusion and die with a smile.

The colors of this new painting glare back at me like the window from my 13^th story building. The two compete for my attention like jealous children. One is the madness I cannot control; the other is the product of my control. Both have taken on an urgency in its colors never seen by these eyes of mine.

I am going to be a father.

Those words repeat over and over again in the shell of my mind. I am going to be a father.... All I rebelled against, feared, loved, despised and sought to be, is coming around. Everything I stood for and lost is coming right back home to papa.

I feel the sun through my little window and I wish for rain. I pretend I am a child again and I wish for rain. I know and understand love now. My painting and my window both tell me to prepare. A rain is gonna fall, and its gonna make me new.